The Gift that Keeps Giving

Divorce is the *gift* that just keeps giving. Just when I think that the majority of the surprises are behind me, one creeps in, kicks a few table legs so I know it’s in the room, and when acknowledged, says, “Guess what” I’m one thing you did not think of.

Because of FB, I get the opportunity to see my daughter’s thoughts, when she chooses to share them there. There has been nothing bad; on the contrary she is making comments about having fun in various activities.

My insecurity lies in the fact that she is having fun without me. She is having fun with her mom. Of course I want her to have a good relationship with her mom. With the way she was treated last summer by that person, I was not sure that was possible. Apparently it is. Again, that does not make me sad or resentful or even jealous.

My insecurity, and that is where this feeling originates, is because I am not sure I am doing whatever it is that I am supposed to do to make her happy when she is with me. The divorce course that I took warned against being a “Disney Dad,” that is, buying the child’s love and happiness with gifts. (Strange that this obviously has occurred enough times that it has its own phrase in divorce lingo. Strange, or sad.)

I am truly glad she is enjoying the activities. But I got a sense of guilt—was I scheduling enough fun activities also. And one of the activities was bowling, which is not difficult nor expensive. Another was having a friend over for a sleepover, or whatever 15 year olds call it today.

I guess I won’t find the answer by writing it down here. I will only find the answer by being present in the moment with her, and when possible, scheduling a few activities myself.

Divorce--Reposting

I had put this posting on this blog several months ago. I took it down shortly thereafter, but I really don't know why. So I am putting it up once more--unedited so the timelines are not correct for today.

Today is one month anniversary of the divorce being finalized. I thought final was supposed to mean final, as in no more hassle with that crap. But one month after the papers were signed there are still one or two things in a state of flux.

First because the ex decided to find an attorney from a fortune cookie or maybe in the bottom of a box of cracker jack (is that still made—hang on—googling—yes somewhere you can still buy Cracker Jack—good to know) we slog through the mess he made of the child support paperwork. Simply put, he did not file the correct forms or did not file all the required forms. Then to complicate matters, he is not responsive to anyone. He works on his own schedule. This has been one of the most frustrating parts about all of this. Not only do I have to put up with the hassle of continuing to communicate with the person I like least at the moment, I cannot get past the mundane tasks of the divorce. And why is this--because of her choices. So once again her bad choices affect my day too day life. Luckily I have a pretty good attorney on my side. At lease I feel like she knows what she is doing. So I am not without resources to get this solved.

I have not written about this part, but the emotional distress on me due to the divorce has been very little to nothing at all. This is because I felt the emotional connection was over a long time ago. My emotional hassles in all of this have been frustration at how she has handled issues which did not need to be handled so they were ugly or dirty, but that is how she chose to handle these things. And I hate the effect it has had on Linda. She has had to change schools, move to a different home and basically start fresh.

But it has brought Linda and me closer. So that is a positive.

What’s next for me? Opportunities are unknown but they are out there waiting. I embrace the new chapter.

New addition added on 01/23/11
In the end, my attorney was crap too. Apparently she cared until it became a hassle and inconvenient to care. I was almost to the point of reporting her to, well whomever one reports crappy attorneys to.