I am still taking the precription pain killers daily. You know, just being on a prescription pain medicine is itself an ailment in today's society.
Everyone has an opinon of what is best for me "You should not have to take that strong medicine--you're going to become addicted." "I know someone who takes it daily and it is not good--your doctor should do something." Here's one of my favorites. "I used to take pain medicine, but I decided I did not want to be a drug addict so I just stopped."
It's interesting how everyone out there has an opinon of what is best for me, but they're not me. However that does not change the mental struggle I go through daily. Am I taking too much? Why am I taking it? Would I have as much pain if I did not have a stressful job?
Here's the tape that I tend to replay again and again: I don't want to be a drug addict. I should just be tough enough to handle the pain. Pain, what pain? The pain is all in your head. You're taking this medicine to feel good, not because you need it. Besides, if you stopped taking the medicine, you could enjoy beer again.
My doctor is not concerned--she just wants to see me regularly. She continues to renew the prescription. She told me frankly that, due to my back problems, I may be on this for life unless I want to have the back surgery. And she is okay with that.
We have a friend who had the major back surgery (he was much worse off than me) and though
he had it, and went through 6 weeks recovery and then physical therapy on top of that, he
tells me he still has pain and he will wear a back brace for the rest of his life. Plus he is younger than me.
And I just saw a report on local news of a woman who had the surgery twice and still had
pain. So I think the surgery does not always work.
It is interesting what a stigma this medicine has become in today's society. There are many afflictions that many people live with everyday. And they take some form of medicine because of an affliction. But they're not ostercized. They are doing what they have to do to have a good quality of life with their health problems. So why can't I?
Maybe a lot of people have chosen this medicine to be the evil one because it has a side effect that causes a mild euphoria. And it is abused.
I know my pain. My pain is real. Was some of the pain caused by the medicine? Maybe. Could removing the medicine remove that new pain? Possibly. Meanwhile it is my decision. And it is my decision to stay away from any discussions of this subject with people who do not live with the pain.
1 comment:
I know what you mean about the pain. But what about the pain that is caused from your mental state? Does that make it less real? Is that what causes the sleepness nights?
I believe that once a person figures out what the most negative thing in their life is and addresses it, somehow that admission makes pain easier to manage. I think that is in part true because a person spends so much time focusing on the negative things in their life. I know I do. I'm very sensitive to the sadness or troubling days that we have as a society, the people in my life that I care about - how their lives are going. I sometimes feel like a sponge of sadness. It's all around us and it's a difficult hurdle to get past. Our state of mind is such a strong force. I don't believe you are a drug addict. I do believe that you have to realize that the doctor may be right and your drug treatment could be a life long necessity. I have a friend that sustained a back injury in a car wreck 15 years ago and after all the therapy and treatment she has had she is on a daily routine of pain management medication.
Your back problem may be helped with surgery that's true and for some the right option. From your words your "inner self" is saying it isn't the right one for you.
In closing I wonder if now that you are not angry anymore if that has helped the pain?
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